Ghost

Look to the clouds.

We fear life, but its the change in it that really causes us strife.
We fear the obstacles we are forced to face; afraid to steer in the wrong cause this fears been planted and growing for so long, that when it all comes down to it; its the disgrace of not keeping up with your race, and falling short of your set goals, counting your accomplishments like it was gold that really keeps us trying to set a concrete mold. But what you’ve planned you have to learn is never set in stone; your life constantly alters its mold. So when you’re lost, don’t think it wasn’t part of the plan, cause there’s no blueprint to living on this land. Take it as it comes, count the patterns you may find, but then take a look at the sky, every cloud is constantly changing, there is where you find the definition of life.

Something like a restless night.

Spent 18 years in a struggle,
So when I’m mad, no my anger ain’t subtle.
Yea, I cry, but I still fight this battle
My bad if I just popped ya bubble,
You wanna see me fail? Then the price on ya life just doubled.
See, I ain’t afraid of this game cuz I created it now its your turn to play
Welcome to my world on this day,
When finally my lows got me so blown that I’m turning to the sky
With my eyes low, I’m high.
One pull to get by & 3 more for luck
I stopped giving a fuck,
I’m my fathers seed, take heed on your done deeds,
You’ve awakened the monster in me.

I’m on some split personality bullshit,
Oh, you don’t give two shits?
I guess that’s why ya smile is toothless.
Keep pressing ya luck, some nigga really won’t give a fuck, knock you out before you had any time to duck.
On some Kevin Hart shit, real niggas don’t fuck the crew bitch.
I just left them bitches clueless.
Gotcha wonderin, “who dis?!”
My name is Amber, nice to meet ya, how you doin?
Lemme stop foolin
I’m avoiding the real subject. Stalling.
Real niggas is out here. Ballin’.
Oops I did it again, but my mothers calling.
Alright you got me, let me stop fucking around,
But on some real shit…NONE OF YA NIGGAS CAN STOP ME.
Ya rap games is sloppy, it goes something like “flip flop & top me.”
Ain’t no meaning behind ya thinking, just a few words that sound mean.
Thinking you tough cuz you curse in ya raps, but all that’s a bluff,
Enough is enough. The real niggas with real rhymes that seen some REAL times needa step up.

Abortion.

I’m still holding on
‘Cause our love was never born
Our hearts were premature
The pain, they just couldn’t endure
So you forced it, made me abort it, then took off leaving me distorted
With what WE created
Cause yes indeed, you made it
Planted a seed, pulled out without saying a thing and left me to bleed
You could’ve warned me,
Kept it a buck and said that night that we ran out of luck, but instead you were horny so we fucked
With no protection, cause with you I had trust,
But for you it was just lust
This “relationship” must’ve been a bust
Fuck, I’m your mistake, something you did wrong, at least that’s how you’ve explained it anyway
Telling her that you fucked up, I was your slip up, something you smoothed out and cleaned up
So that you could step up, used me as your pedestal and let her play you
It’s a fucking set up.
I don’t trust that bitch, but its better that we’ve switched
‘Cause I’d rather be ditched than sitting around angry, or acting like a bitch
My mood has flipped,
My heart, I’ve taken it, so now I’ve dipped
But I left you a slip;
A small note to let you know that my feelings for you have been clipped
Cut short, and of them I am rid.
‘Cause see I finally understand that it was all part of the plan,
To see how much I could withstand
And to pull back my hand
I’m not helping you now that you’ve slipped
When I fell you bit your lip, said I’m sorry and you dipped.
Don’t play stupid like you don’t remember it.
Said sorry, but you only continued to do as you did
I started this holding on, but now I’m letting go ‘cause I’m strong
You’re the one who chose in the wrong
Decided to jump and fought with my hands to make me loosen my grip
So I’ve come to realize that its not me that needed to be fixed,
but you & now I’m glad to be gone
So long again…
It’s nice to have called you once my friend.

To a dear friend. <3

You can’t help that they lied and tried to hide behind a family tie
Blood is thicker than water, but its water that makes you stronger
Blood shed can kill, it all depends on skill
How you handle the battle and rekindle your lost will
Your will to move on, no longer seeking those lost arms
That pulled you and always caused you harm
Because though they say its with family you must hold on, they weren’t wrong, but its how you define it
That then you will find that the water you thought ran thin somehow seeped in
That same water that hydrated you that you now call your kin
A family within a circle of what you thought was a friend
That you have to reconsider and finally let it
To replace the holes of those that you were once told “hold close”
Cause you were taught that they were the ones you’re meant to cherish the most
When in reality you really have to give a toast to those who’ve stuck around and held YOU close, taught you to see that there’s another family to live up to in everybody, every person who a friend to you they’ve become
And another reason to overcome.
So you see, a dark song you no longer have to sing, because you have many friends for you when you’re in need.
Just open up and let it all be, you’ve found a family within me.

From,
A dear friend.

I’ve got a purpose that’s no longer to fall..

My poetry is budding, multiplying and escaping me.
I’m writing faster than I can think
Started with one, ended with three and its so damn crazy
To think that I’d given this up and let them motherfuckers get the best of me
But someone special gave this back to me, reminded me to take back what belongs to me, to complete this soul I thought was ripped from me
So here I am, once again
With my blood on these pages
& my life in these words
But I’m not afraid anymore
For those who appreciate all I do, I’ll stay true to you, those who’ve abandoned me I’ll be true too, just don’t expect any damn favors, letters or calls
Cause I may be there for all your falls but I won’t tear down any walls for your ass
You won’t see me bending backwards for nothing anymore.
I’ve got a purpose that’s no longer to fall
I’m standing strong and tearing down my own damn walls
I’ll stand here unarmed to prove that I’m stronger than I’ve ever been
I’m brave, my courage is through the roof now
So stand down, my lifes improved now
& I’ll shoot down any enemy that’s threatening me
Never letting any of you ungrateful niqqas get the best of me
So watch out now, this bitch is on the prowl. ;)

Sarahi, my everything. ♥

So this is part two of me and you
With two simple letters on a day in fall, we reunited a friendship that was all too strong
You’ve become my shelter when I need warmth & a shoulder I could always lean on
This girls got beauty that blinds,
Brains that can’t be undermined
A heart that truly shines
And an attitude to protect her from all those shitty guys
She’s become my angel in disguise
Even if we seem to suffer the same demise
And everything will be ok in my eyes
With this girl by my side
We’ve been on a tough ride,
But I’d be lost without you
Because even if our skies aren’t the brightest blue
I can always come to you
For advice when needed and a laugh that’ll be true, I swear I never wanna lose you
So with all that said,
Remember this at night before you go to bed
You’re a tough catch, you’re truly amazing, in fact you’re a diamond among dull jewels.

I love you.
-AmberLynn.

Speedin’.

I’m too busy running from my past
Knowing shit will never last
‘Cause I’m always moving too fast
Preoccupied with my own fears that have accumulated over these fucked up years
I keep it moving, pushing myself, straining my body, so the pain is rarely felt
My life is a highway,
A high speed chase from all those that come my way
See I don’t stop for just any body.
Some try to match my speed, but they rarely succeed
So I’m just gunna keep my foot on this gas, dropping off all the hitch hikers that tried to fuck me up in my past.

Waiting for the day..

Toilet paper hanging off ya lips and you still slipped up and missed,
Talking shit leads to infection
& I’m sorry, but you’re infected
Ain’t no amount of disinfectant that can help, not even antiseptic.
See these bitches parade around with they mouth wide open waiting for someone to wife em
Forgetting that they trashed some unlucky girl with high hopes for the world.
But its ok ‘cause karma’s got them on the list, they’ll pay
Maybe not today, but I’m just waiting for the day
To watch you bust ya ass
Lose what you had
& feel sorry for the homes you wrecked in the past.
But when it all happens don’t mope, complaining about the rain and
Wondering if you did all that work in vain.
You deserve what’s coming so I’ll just sit here waiting for the day,
So I can say, karma finally went my way.

A broken soul of a thousand unheard cries. (title cred. to my pic.)

I was born the desolate misfit
To a father who was missing and mother who stood at a distance
Life was tough,
So it seems these cuts and bruises were a must
When you’re little, in the midst of tragedy
You can’t help but feel mad at it
But you’re innocent so you put on a show
Throwing tantrums like any normal kid
But I guess I wasn’t normal because instead of kicking and screaming
I ran to everyone’s side to comfort those who were bleeding
I absorbed every situation and carried the burden for every fall
I guess that’s why I can still feel it all
I’m not blessed in any way
I swear there’s a price I must pay
‘Cause I live in hell, so day by day
I pretend that I pray
To a God I’d lost hope in way back in the day
I’m damned in every way I can think of
I’m pretty damn sure if there was a bridge I could fall off,
I’d survive with every damn bone broken in me, to suffer immobile
There was never a thing I could do.
It’s always just my luck to get stuck
Fuck, I wish I knew how to let you get to me
But I’m lost in the dark,
Making friendships with demons,
Losing touch with what life means
And, running from anything with meaning
I’m a little less human ‘cause I’ve been bit by my so-called friends, those demons
Who were out to get another innocent soul, and stop me from breathing
I’ve fought off all the angels God sent with regret and pushed away any with good intent
I can’t see a thing anymore, no light, maybe I’m just losing my sight
‘Cause I’ve loved all the wrong with all my might
And I don’t want to lose this fight
It’s a battle of no arms, but words that are knives and a drama that has become my life.

Unnamed.

I may not be smart about my decisions and the shit that I do but I can tell what’ll happen to you
You’re gunna get fucked over
Take it from me
I’ve seen this shit firsthand
She loves to have you, but she’ll love any man that can do what you do
See she thrives on attention
& will seek it from two,
That includes you,
But that means him too
You claim that your mentality has changed
But I can tell that your love runs true
Today you’ll remain unphased
But all that may change
When she starts acting strange
Running around, talkin bout
She’s playin nude games
& just when you think she’s done all she can do
She’ll turn right around
Claiming she wants to come back you
You with your arms open wide
Will recieve her with pride
With all them bottled up feelings you’d hide
But I know where you’ll end
In this closed circle,
A cycle you’ll be sorry you let begin.

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